you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
