I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
