Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
