Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
