im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
