nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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