I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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