If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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