I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
