I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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