Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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