If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
