What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
where am i from again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
