And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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