i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
