she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
