Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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