My first STD was from a foam party
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
