Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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