I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
