he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
