If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
