I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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