The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
