Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
