I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
