you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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