Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
