If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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