these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
FUCK WHALES
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
