booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
