Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my being single is dangerous.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
