Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
