There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
