She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
