I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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