waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
