He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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