worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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