In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
