nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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