I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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