No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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