All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
FUCK WHALES
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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