I hate all girls vehemently.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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