True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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