I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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