just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
