I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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