Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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